The Bad Pancake Theory
Starting, sucking, and the reality of "Somedays"
The saying goes that the first one always comes out a little wonky. Too chewy, misshapen, not cooked quite right, it’s deemed ineligible for consumption. You know it’s inevitable, yet it’s the one you have to make in order to get to those golden, fluffy, melt-in-your-mouth flapjacks. It’s a cruel, yet comforting fact of life that for anything you hope to accomplish, you have to start somewhere. The first word, the first meal, the first step. The First Attempt is the gateway to doing something worthwhile. You just have to be willing to suck at it.
I’ve tried to think of some clever, brilliant beginning to this new venture of mine. Then, I thought, I’ll just start with where I’m at and where I wanna be. No-frills honesty. So, here we go.
At the moment that I sit to write this, my ears are ringing. Four hefty machines take up space in my kitchen, whirring thunderously in unison, sucking moisture out of the air. Let me back up. At the very start of September, my husband and I made a bold declaration. This month, we said, we’re keeping it low-key and saving our money. This would be a month of recalibration. We would set aside distractions and temptations like social media, Uber Eats, and impulsive travels. With the sudden clarity we bestowed upon ourselves, we’d settle into the comfort of our home and set out to achieve our creative endeavors. I’d start to write my novel. He would begin scheduling shoots for his documentary idea. We’d cook modest delicacies at home and our wallets would get fat.
Then, before the first sweet September weekend was over, our kitchen flooded overnight and reality scoffed in our faces. I won’t bother to regale you with the minutia of our homeownership woes, except to say that three leaks later, we’ve found ourselves with a gutted kitchen, a multi-thousand-dollar bill, and feelings of deflation. With our kitchen in shambles, we’ve had to reach out to Uber Eats to feed us – which really feels like calling your toxic ex to help with a flat tire after you swore you’d never speak again. My husband’s project suffered a setback, and I haven’t written a word…until now.
Honestly, I blame us. It seems, in retrospect, that it was naïve to declare ourselves masters of our finances and our home without expecting some sort of cosmic lesson in return. Shit happens, and then you move on. Kinda like those burnt pancakes.
After wallowing an appropriate amount of time and letting the stress wash over me, I turned to a tried-and-true method of coping: gratitude. I said a few thanks you’s out loud: for our home, our ability to deal with emergencies, and for the good stuff that I just knew was on the other side of this downturn. Then, my husband got an unexpected but welcome call for some work, and I was recommended this great class about starting a Substack newsletter by Marlee Grace.
I foolishly thought I’d be five chapters into my novel by now, and while I work up the courage to begin that journey (so much more on that later…), I’m grateful for the detour that led me to begin this newsletter. It seems we only talk about the things we want to do someday, and hardly ever the inevitable things we don’t. Like, someday I’ll get my heart broken. Someday, I’ll have to deal with a crisis. Someday, I’ll fail miserably. (Because you fell in love. Because you have people and things that matter to you. Because you took a shot.)
I’d like to explore it all. My own hero’s journey as I set out to do The Thing I’ve Always Wanted to Do Someday. So, that’s why I’m here – and maybe it’s why you are. Life is full of bad pancakes. Now that I’ve gotten this one out of the way, I hope you’ll join me for some buttery goodness too.
Every Sunday, I share a list of seven things that I’d want to have with me if I were stranded on an island for the next week. It’s a grab bag of content and stuff to I’d recommend to stay inspired, entertained, and cozy.
📺 The Other Black Girl on Hulu | I’ve only just watched episode one of this new psychological (maybe supernatural??) thriller but color me intrigued. It mixes the day-to-day horror of workplace micro aggressions and rivalries with a creepy mystery.
🎧 This surprisingly fascinating deep dive on…goop. Not the Paltrow kind, the kind you see in movies. The Trial by Content crew gets into the sticky, slimy, nitty gritty of what makes goo gooey, bloody, snotty, and even sexy. It’s a wild time. Fair warning: this isn’t kid-friendly slime talk.
🎞️ grainydays. I’m not even a photographer myself but I get so much out of Jason Kummerfeldt’s cross-country YouTube film-ventures. It could be the serene photo journaling, but also definitely the dry, sarcastic, cynical commentary. I lol a lot.
🎵 The They Cloned Tyrone soundtrack. It’s just a vibe. Sheisty stays on repeat.
📄 Famous Writing Routines. A goldmine of inspiring content for writers, or people who love to read.
♠️ Blvck Girl Deck. A stunning deck of playing cards celebrating black women. Could pass the time on my island playing solitaire but I’d probably just end up drooling over the design.
🎸 RY X live from Lençóis Maranhenses National Park. Heaven for your ears and eyes. You’re welcome.
Yes, this particular island has WiFi and basic necessities - just go with it.
Thanks for joining me. Wishing you a creative and inspiring week ahead. If you know someone who might enjoy today’s post, please share with them!
You unknowingly delved into my psyche and addressed a mental roadblock I’ve been struggling with this past week!